


Wrong Birthday Alpha

by CharWright5



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidental Sexting, Aged-Up Character(s), Alpha Iwaizumi Hajime, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Omega Oikawa Tooru, Sex Toys, Sexting, happy birthday iwa-chan, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 05:51:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19167088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharWright5/pseuds/CharWright5
Summary: Oikawa accidentally sends a nude to Iwaizumi for his birthday. Iwaizumi spends his day trying to figure out what the hell is going on.





	Wrong Birthday Alpha

**Author's Note:**

> For Iwaizumi's birthday!
> 
> Also, do not recommend doing this on iPod Notes app. This was a damn pain >_<

**shittykawa**

**[00:00] shittykawa:** happy birthday!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
 **[00:00] shittykawa:** [img]  
 _read_

\-----

**Tooru Trash Talk Team{tm}**

**[08:30] iwaizumi:** okay which one of you fucking idiots told him to pull this shit?  
 **[08:30] iwaizumi:** [img]

 **[08:32] Matt Daddy B) :** I could've lived a long and happy life not knowing what kinda porn you look at  
**[08:32] Matt Daddy B) :** hbd btw

 **[08:32] Makk Attakk:** thats lit th worst hbd greetin evr  
**[08:33] Makk Attakk:** but ya same hbd  
**[08:33] Makk Attakk:** btw wtf is that he sent u

 **[08:34] iwaizumi:** it's shittykawa's ass with a jeweled plug and what appears to be slick leaking out

 **[08:35] Matt Daddy B) :** no it's cool I didn't need to eat breakfast

 **[08:35] Makk Attakk:** wat makes u so sure its oik's??

 **[08:35] Matt Daddy B) :** oh ho ho??? 👀

 **[08:35] Makk Attakk:** 👀👀

 **[08:35] Matt Daddy B) :** 👀👀👀

 **[08:36] iwaizumi:** would you two idiots cut the shit  
**[08:37] iwaizumi:** I've known shittykawa since I was born. Years of childhood baths means i'd recognize those moles anywhere. They've haunted my sleep for years

 **[08:38] Makk Attakk:** funny way to spell xrated wet dreams

 **[08:38] Matt Daddy B) :** 👀👀👀👀👀

 **[08:40] iwaizumi:** I hate you both 

**[08:41] Makk Attakk:** u luv is

 **[08:42] Matt Daddy B) :** *us but yes what he said

 **[08:43] iwaizumi:** *hate you. Also still waiting for one of you to fess up to goading shittykawa into sending that  
**[08:43] iwaizumi:** bc if this is a prank or a lost bet, I'm skinning all of you alive and selling it as high end purses

 **[08:44] Matt Daddy B) :** that's scarily well thought out

 **[08:44] Makk Attakk:** premeditated even

 **[08:45] Matt Daddy B) :** I think that gives you more years

 **[08:46] iwaizumi:** I'll claim extreme emotional disturbance and win  
**[08:47] iwaizumi:** also  
**[08:47] iwaizumi:** STILL FUCKING WAITING

 **[08:50] Matt Daddy B) :** dude wasnt us

 **[08:51] Makk Attak:** we valu our lifes 

**[08:52] Matt Daddy B) :** *lives  
**[08:52] Matt Daddy B) :** but yeah 

**[08:52] Makk Attak:** stop fixing my typos!!

 **[08:52] Matt Daddy B) :** if Oikawa sent that to u its bc it was his idea he did it on his own  
**[08:53] Matt Daddy B) :** stop making typos for me to fix

 **[08:54] Makk Attak:** I don't have to take that from someone who doesn't know what punctuation is

 **[08:54] Matt Daddy B) :** im gonna let iwaizumi punctuation you in the face

 **[08:55] Makk Attak:** that doesn't even make sense ???

 **[08:55] iwaizumi:** hate  
**[08:55] iwaizumi:** you  
**[08:56] iwaizumi:** both

 **[08:56] Matt Daddy B) :** grumpy birthday alpha is grumpy ( >_< #)

 **[08:57] Makk Attak:** BIRTHDAY ALPHA SMASH!!

 **[08:58] iwaizumi:** I'm blocking you both

 **[08:58] Matt Daddy B) :** bullshit

 **[08:58] Makk Attakk:** guess we won't be takin u out 4 drinks 2nite then

 **[09:00] iwaizumi:** ...  
**[09:01] iwaizumi:** fine. Won't block you  
**[09:01] iwaizumi:** yet

\-----

**shittykawa**

**[09:04] shittykawa:** OMG IWACHAN DONT CHECK YOUR MESSAGES (ꐦ°᷄д°᷅)

 **[09:23] iwaizumi:** ...  
**[09:23] iwaizumi:** first of all, why the fuck would you message someone saying "don't check your messages"? On what planet does that make sense?

 **[09:24] shittykawa:** on my planet OFC (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

**[09:24] iwaizumi:** pls move back there

 **[09:25] shittykawa:** (　ﾟдﾟ) MEAN IWACHAN 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。

 **[09:25] iwaizumi:** SECOND OF ALL  
**[09:26] iwaizumi:** did you not see where it says "read" under that message? And don't lie and say you don't have read receipts on, bc we both know that's bullshit

 **[09:26] shittykawa:** I

 **[09:28] iwaizumi:** you?

 **[09:30] shittykawa:** I  
**[09:31] shittykawa:** was kinda hoping that maybe our text thread was just left open when that message happened to go thru  
**[09:31] shittykawa:** so it registered as read on my end  
**[09:31] shittykawa:** but wasn't *actually* read  
**[09:32] shittykawa:** (＞人＜;)

 **[09:32] iwaizumi:** no such luck  
**[09:33] iwaizumi:** for either of us

 **[09:33] shittykawa:** (ꐦ°᷄д°᷅)

 **[09:34] iwaizumi:** your ass is gonna haunt me in my sleep

 **[09:45] iwaizumi:** OI! You still there?!

 **[09:47] shittykawa:** sorry I'm here  
**[09:48] shittykawa:** I'm so so so sorry Iwa-chan! That picture was supposed to go to someone else. I sent it to you by mistake (－‸ლ) 

**[09:48] iwaizumi:** someone else?

 **[09:50] shittykawa:** yes

 **[09:50] iwaizumi:** someone else who just happens to have the same birthday as me?

 **[09:51] shittykawa:** you aren't the only person who was born on June 10th, Iwa-Chan (◔_◔) 

**[09:51] iwaizumi:** I know that, trashykawa!  
**[09:52] iwaizumi:** just didn't know that you knew anyone who shared my birthday, much less was an alpha that you sext with

 **[09:52]shittykawa:** well SURPRISE! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

**[09:54] iwaizumi:** who is it?

 **[09:54] shittykawa:** you worried you won't be number one birthday boy?

 **[09:55] iwaizumi:** no dumbass. I just need to make they aren't a piece of shit

 **[09:56] shittykawa:** aww! Iwa-chan, I didn't know you care so much about little ol' me! ∠( ᐛ 」∠) 

**[09:57] iwaizumi:** just tryna make sure the air around me doesn't stink as much as it usually does considering how bad you reek

 **[09:57] shittykawa:** gee thanks (눈_눈) 

**[09:58] iwaizumi:** seriously who is it

 **[10:00] shittykawa:** you don't know them  
**[10:00] shittykawa:** I gotta go to class

 **[10:00] iwaizumi:** how do you know I don't know them?  
**[10:01] iwaizumi:** you don't have class now. Nice try

 **[10:13] iwaizumi:** OI! Don't ignore me!

 **[10:27] iwaizumi:** goddammit. You better text me later asshole or I'll throw you in a landfill with the rest of the trash

\-----

**Tooru Trash Talk Team{tm}**

**[10:03] iwaizumi:** who the fuck is assikawa fucking?

 **[10:05] MANGO DADDY:** thought it was you

 **[10:05] iwaizumi:** ok new question: who the fuck is MANGO DADDY?

 **[10:06] MANGO DADDY:** ~ISSA MYSTERY~

 **[10:08] iwaizumi:** I'm scared to ask why

 **[10:08] MANGO DADDY:** because YOU CANNOT-A HAVE-A DA MANGO!! -spank-

 **[10:08] iwaizumi:** goddammit mattsun 

**[10:08] MANGO DADDY:** how'd you know?

 **[10:08] iwaizumi:** makki does * around actions

 **[10:08] MANGO DADDY:** well shit

 **[10:08] iwaizumi:** plus you have the weird fetish of wanting someone to call you "daddy"

 **[10:09] MANGO DADDY:** I AM daddy  
**[10:09] MANGO DADDY:** MANGO DADDY!!

 **[10:10] iwaizumi:** should've known I'd never get to have a serious convo with either of you

 **[10:10] MANGO DADDY:** ok ok I'm being serious now  
**[10:11] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** and I seriously thought you and Oikawa were knotting on the reg

 **[10:11] iwaizumi:** why  
**[10:11] iwaizumi:** the fuck  
**[10:11] iwaizumi:** would you think something as fuckinf stupid as that?

 **[10:11] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** because  
**[10:12] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** the fuck  
**[10:12] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** for starters the two of you always reek of each other like you'd been all over each other all fucking day

 **[10:14] iwaizumi:** we've been friends lit our whole lives. Of course we smell like each other!!

 **[10:14] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** uh huh  
**[10:14] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** sure  
**[10:14] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** totally believe you  
**[10:15] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** that's sarcasm btw

 **[10:16] iwaizumi:** I figured thanks

 **[10:17] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** secondly the two of you are always actually all over each other I don't think tou guys even realize it you just  
**[10:17] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** you like drag yourselves together like magnets  
**[10:18] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** we never see one of you without the other and when we do see you you're both touching somehow  
**[10:18] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** pretty sure your lap has a permanent Oikawa ass impression

 **[10:19] iwaizumi:** not an image I needed  
**[10:19] iwaizumi:** esp not after this morning

 **[10:21] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** sorry not sorry bc it's true  
**[10:22] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** honestly practically everyone thinks the two of you are mated already  
**[10:22] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** you act like you are  
**[10:22] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** makes sense that you'd be fucking like you are too

 **[10:24] iwaizumi:** we  
**[10:24] iwaizumi:** are not  
**[10:24] iwaizumi:** fuxking

 **[10:25] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** but are you FUCKING? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

**[10:25] iwaizumi:** goddammit mattsun  
**[10:25] iwaizumi:** we're not fucking either

 **[10:25] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** well I know that now  
**[10:26] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** didn't know that on Friday

 **[10:27] iwaizumi:** ???

 **[10:28] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** ???

 **[10:28] iwaizumi:** what the fuxk does Friday have to do with anything?

 **[10:33] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** nothing

 **[10:33] iwaizumi:** uh huh  
**[10:34] iwaizumi:** sure  
**[10:34] iwaizumi:** totally believe you

 **[10:37] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** ok fine  
**[10:37] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** you were probably gonna find out anyway

 **[10:38] iwaizumi:** find out what?

 **[10:42] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** ok so when we went out drinking last Friday and you left early?  
**[10:43] SERIOUS MOXE MANGO DADDY:** Oikawa was being his usual whiny bitch baby self and mentioned that he had no idea what to do for your bday and it had to be special bc you're turning twenty and blah blah whatever so Makki and I joked that he should spend the day sending you sexy pictures all day teasing and get you hot af for it then tonight you'll be horny af and basically fuck and knot his brains out

 **[10:50] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** yo you still there?

 **[11:00] SERIOUS MODE MANGO DADDY:** dude I'm sorry alright? If id known you guys weren't together then I wouldn't have told him to do that I would've just said to sign you up for like beer of the month club or some shit

 **[11:20] SERIOUSLY SORRY MANGO DADDY:** iwaizumi? I really am sorry and I'm sure Makki is too

 **[12:30] iwaizumi:** the thing I don't get

 **[12:30] SERIOUSLY SORRY MANGO DADDY:** HE LIVES!

 **[12:30] iwaizumi:** stfu  
**[12:31] iwaizumi:** what I don't get it is why dumbasskawa would go along with it and take your idea seriously  
**[12:31] iwaizumi:** or why he'd lie about accidentally sending it to me

 **[12:33] SERIOUSLY SORRY MANGO DADDY:** can I speak now?

 **[12:34] iwaizumi:** choose your words carefully

 **[12:34] SERIOUSLY SORRY MANGO DADDY:** mayyyyyybe he was hoping it would work  
**[12:35] SERIOUSLY SORRY MANGO DADDY:** like he wants to sleep with you or be with you in some way but you're too dense to get it cuz I mean you both seem to be blind to the obvious when it comes to each other and how you act with each other and how it looks to outsiders  
**[12:36] SERIOUSLY SORRY MANGO DADDY:** and you in your usual gorilla fashion didn't get it or reacted badly and Oikawa freaked out in usual Oikawa fashion and made up some bullshit to cover it all up

 **[12:37] iwaizumi:** goddammit

 **[12:37] SERIOUSLY SMART MANGO DADDY:** hit the nail on the head huh <(‾︶‾)>

**[12:40] iwaizumi:** I gotta go  
**[12:40] iwaizumi:** you better bring your entire paycheck when we go out drinking bc you fucking owe me  
**[12:41] iwaizumi:** you and makki both

 **[12:42] SERIOUSLY SMART MANGO DADDY:** well fuck

 **[12:50] Makki the Mango Man:** wtf I leave u for 5 mins ???

 **[12:52] SERIOUSLY SMART MANGO DADDY:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

\-----

**mom**

**[13:42] mom:** happy birthday, sweetheart!! ❤️❤️❤️

 **[13:43] iwaizumi:** thx

 **[13:43] mom:** Uh oh. What's wrong? Talk to Mama.

 **[13:44] iwaizumi:** how'd you know something was wrong

 **[13:45] mom:** Moms always know. The fact that you didn't deny it makes me believe I'm right. So spill.

 **[13:47] iwaizumi:** oikawa is dating someone 

**[13:48] mom:** Well, that's nothing new. Tooru-kun has been dating since he hit puberty. He's always been very popular with the Alphas. Why is this upsetting you?  
**[13:49] mom:** Unless he cancelled any plans with you for your birthday in order to spend time with this new one?

 **[13:49] iwaizumi:** no  
**[13:49] iwaizumi:** at least o don't think he is  
**[13:50] iwaizumi:** he hasn't said anything like that anyway

 **[13:50] mom:** Then what seems to be the problem with Tooru-kun having a new partner?

 **[13:51] iwaizumi:** yeah it's not something I wanna discuss with my mom

 **[13:52] mom:** Would you like me to get your dad?

 **[13:52] iwaizumi:** God no  
**[13:52] iwaizumi:** it's just awkward to discuss with parents in general

 **[13:53] mom:** Hajime, sweetheart, I was in college once, too. It's okay. I won't judge.

 **[13:54] iwaizumi:** it's a long and ridiculous story

 **[13:54] mom:** It usually is when Tooru-kun is involved, lol.

 **[13:54] iwaizumi:** very true  
**[13:57] iwaizumi:** so  
**[13:57] iwaizumi:** I woke up to a rather... *risque* photo from oikawa this morning wishing me a hbd  
**[13:58] iwaizumi:** which he later told me was a mistake and was supposed to go to some other alpha he knows who just happened to have a birthday today  
**[13:58] iwaizumi:** and I swear I saw red. Idk why but it just really aggravated me that some other alpha was seeing that part of him  
**[13:59] iwaizumi:** and I'm not naive enough to think that oikawa is a virgin or totally chaste or whatever bc like you said he's dated around a lot  
**[13:59] iwaizumi:** but having it confirmed just... Idk how to explain it  
**[14:02] iwaizumi:** it hit something deep inside me and I had the biggest urge to go rip the alpha's throat out even tho I don't know them  
**[14:03] iwaizumi:** for all I know they're this perfect person that oikawa is corrupting with his filth  
**[14:03] iwaizumi:** but that didn't matter  
**[14:03] iwaizumi:** I just wanted to make them bleed  
**[14:05] iwaizumi:** but then I found out that it was actually a lie and that the pic had been meant for me all along and was the idea of our idiotic mutual friends who thought we were actually together  
**[14:06] iwaizumi:** and that for some crazy reason oikawa went along with their dumb drunken plan to weirdly seduce me via sexy pics  
**[14:06] iwaizumi:** and now...  
**[14:06] iwaizumi:** idk. It's weird

 **[14:11] mom:** Wow. That certainly is a lot to take in. I have to ask, but what do you meant by "it's weird"? Good weird or bad weird?

 **[14:13] iwaizumi:** idk  
**[14:13] iwaizumi:** not a bad weird  
**[14:13] iwaizumi:** a confusing weird maybe?  
**[14:15] iwaizumi:** I'm relieved it's a lie about that other alpha tho

 **[14:20] mom:** And what about the fact that the photo was specifically taken for you?

 **[14:22] iwaizumi:** I'm flattered I guess  
**[14:23] iwaizumi:** didn't hate it

 **[14:24] mom:** Did you *enjoy* it? ;)

 **[14:24] iwaizumi:** jfc mom I'm not telling you that

 **[14:24] mom:** That isn't a no, sweetheart. ;)

 **[14:25] iwaizumi:** I'm not having this conversation with my MOTHER

 **[14:26] mom:** Okay, okay. You want my honest opinion on all this?

 **[14:26] iwaizumi:** pls

 **[14:27] mom:** I love you. You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars. But you, my beautiful boy, can be as dense as a bamboo forest.

 **[14:28] iwaizumi:** I liked it better when you gave me presents for my bday instead of insults

 **[14:30] mom:** It's the truth, sweetheart. Sorry if it hurts, but that doesn't make it any less false. From what I can tell, Tooru-kun has been in love with you pretty much his entire life and he probably hoped this would open your eyes to that fact, and to the fact that you're in love with him, too.

 **[14:32] iwaizumi:** he should've just told me like a normal person

 **[14:34] mom:** It's Tooru-kun. Drama and ridiculousness are major food groups for him.

 **[14:34] iwaizumi:** true

 **[14:36] mom:** Also true that I didn't see any denial about your feelings toward him...

 **[14:40] iwaizumi:** I'm  
**[14:41] iwaizumi:** maybe?  
**[14:42] iwaizumi:** probably  
**[14:45] iwaizumi:** I think you have a point about the bamboo forest thing

 **[14:48] mom:** Mother's always know, sweetheart. Go talk to him and have a happy birthday. We'll go out for food sometime this weekend.

 **[14:48] iwaizumi:** sounds good  
**[14:48] iwaizumi:** and thx

 **[14:49] mom:** Of course, sweetheart. ❤️

\-----

**shittykawa**

**[14:50] iwaizumi:** oi shittykawa you around?

 **[15:00] iwaizumi:** I know you don't have class right now either. I know your schedule as well as I know my own

 **[15:45] iwaizumi:** talk to me you asshole!  
**[15:46] iwaizumi:** birthday request  
**[15:47] iwaizumi:** you can't ignore those. You said so yourself

 **[17:00] iwaizumi:** fine ignore me. Fucker  
**[17:01] iwaizumi:** I can see the read receipts so I know you're at least looking at this even if you're being a gigantic fuckhead and not replying

 **[17:20] iwaizumi:** okay you know what? Fuck you. I wanted to do this face to face but since you're being a gigantic piece of shit, I'll do it via text  
**[17:21] iwaizumi:** I know the truth about that picture from this morning

 **[17:30] iwaizumi:** idk if mattsun told you or if you're currently screeching at him to find out about it or what but yeah he spilled the beans  
**[17:31] iwaizumi:** he told me it was his and makki's idea when you three stooges were drunk bc he thought we were together when we weren't  
**[17:32] iwaizumi:** aren't  
**[17:32] iwaizumi:** are we?

 **[17:40] iwaizumi:** look  
**[17:41] iwaizumi:** according to my mom I'm dense and maybe she's right but for all your antics you aren't exactly forthcoming with shit. You'd rather work out your feelings on the volleyball court and break your body than talk  
**[17:42] iwaizumi:** hence you ignoring my texts or not reply or whatever

 **[18:00] iwaizumi:** point is  
**[18:02] iwaizumi:** I'm in love with you. Always have been. To the point where I didn't even realize I was because being in love with you is as easy and natural as breathing. It just made sense that you'd be right next to me for the rest of my life and that id be the one watching over you and protecting you and stopping you before you break your knee again

 **[18:10] iwaizumi:** but then you said that the pix was for some other alpha and I lost my shit and got territorial as fuck. And I know my reaction was probably not what you were looking for and I'm sorry for that. At some point insulting you became a way of saying I love you  
**[18:11] iwaizumi:** it's a reverse dread pirate Roberts I guess

 **[18:22] iwaizumi:** sorry for saying it was nightmare inducing  
**[18:23] iwaizumi:** bc the truth is it was the hottest thing I've ever seen in my entire life and I couldn't handle it so I fell back on old habits  
**[18:24] iwaizumi:** but I do love you. And that picture  
**[18:24] iwaizumi:** talk to me?  
**[18:24] iwaizumi:** please?

 **[18:57] shittykawa:** [img]  
**[18:58] shittykawa:** it was always for you. Still is. I still have it in.  
**[18:58] shittykawa:** oh! And I love you too Iwachan σ(≧ε≦σ) 

**[18:58] iwaizumi:** omw  
**[18:59] iwaizumi:** prepare to get wreck

 **[18:59] shittykawa** (ﾉ≧ڡ≦)~☆

\-----

**Tooru Trash Talk Team{tm}**

**[20:19] iwaizumi:** bailing on drinks tonight  
 **[20:19] iwaizumi:** [img]

 **[20:21] Makki the Mango Man:** LETS GO LETS GO IWAIZUMI PUSH IT PUSH IT IWAIZUMI

 **[20:22] MANGO DADDY:** you both look like fucking leopards with all those hickeys

 **[20:23] iwaizumi:** I'm leaving. Don't bother me  
**[20:23] iwaizumi:** and I really don't wanna know about this mango theme you idiots have going on

 **[20:23] MANGO DADDY:** right like we rly want anything to do with you while you're knot deep in Oiks 

**[20:24] Makki the Mango Man:** you're just jealous there's no mango for youuuuuuu Iwaizumi

 **[20:24] MANGO DADDY:** none for you either Maks  
**[20:24] MANGO DADDY:** YOU CANNOT-A HAVE-A DA MANGO!!

 **[20:24] Makki the Mango Man:** NOOOOOOOOOOOO MATT DADDY PLSSSSSS

 **[20:59] iwaizumi:** [img]  
**[20:59] iwaizumi:** knot deep inside oikawa is the best place to be ;)

_MANGO DADDY has left the chat_

_Makki the Mango Man has left the chat_


End file.
